I had contemplated not telling anyone about this journal, just hoping to see who stumbled upon it. Instead I think that I will tell the people who are important to me about it.
I am in a state of flux right now. I hate it. The one thing in this world that I want more than anything else is stability. If things are not stable and reliable I get very depressed. The people around me, my Job, my bank account, whatever. If it is not stable, I have issues. I'm pretty sure that this comes from me not having an ounce of stability as a younger person. Some want to teach me, some to protect me, some to nurture me. While they all have the best of intentions regarding my late-blooming emotional self, I don't really want to be taught anything. Call it the Taurus that I am, but I refuse the help of just about anyone, even if it is beneficial to me.
I feel really bad about the events of the last several days concerning a friend of mine. I attended a convention, and I felt as if I was being clingy to him, although he has no emotional obligation to me. I guess it was because I was abandoned by everyone else who was supposed to be there, and he was the only person that I knew who had less than a 500ft proximity to me. Oh, well, everything was resolved, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like an ass. I was abusive, bitchy, and whiny all weekend, and he totally didn't deserve that.
Everyone, EVERYONE, has down times. Not everyone can recognize them. Not everyone cares that they have them. You recognize, and you care. And, most importantly, you Grow. This means that you're human, and you're a worthwhile person.
You are Loved!