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Yet another outlet of Self-Discovery

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Tommorrow starts everything. Diet, Exercise, Working on Goals. I’m really excited about a few of them.

1.       Lose 60lbs as mentioned before.

2.       Learn Japanese and Spanish fluently

3.       Join an Aikido Class

4.       Being more active with Charity things.

5.       Spending more time with Dominic.

I have lately been figuring out a lot about myself. I am capable of Jealousy, but not in the romantic sense. I was jealous of Xast because of his social prowess, I can’t understand how no one seems to notice or care about me (except for my group of closest friends).  He can be psychotic, yet people seem drawn to him. I like myself, and belive that I have qualities that would allow others to like me, yet people break promises to me, don’t respond to e-mails, and cancel trips that have been planned for a long time.  I seem to have some sort of odd social obfuscate.  I have litterally sat in Game and said “Hello” as loud as I could to someone walking past (several times with several different someones) and am universally ignored. Am I just that unobtrusive? I would hope not.

I am very tired, I was scheduled 6 days this week and about 51 Hours. I am starting to diet tomorrow.

 

My dreams have been weird lately. I am thinking of getting back into a tradition that I have been out of for a while. (vague for a reason).

Depressed – Chris wont be able to make it.

Happy – Working to plan a trip to Baton Rouge.

Lonely – Self Reflecting

I am becoming the Hermit – not sure how I will handle this. :D

 

Current Location:
Home *brrr*
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
Current Music:
The Luckiest, Ben Folds
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Starting next Monday I am starting an 8 week regimen to lose weight, get in shape, and be ready to actually start Aikido. It is a rapid ramp-up, but it is supposed to have you ready to do a Triathalon in 8 weeks. I'm very excited about it. I wish I had someone to do it with me. At the same time that I am starting this regimen, I will also begin dieting (sigh). No more soda, no more fried food :(. At least I will be able to do a triathalon.

I hope it makes me attractive (in my own eyes). I know that other people find me attractive, but I don't like the way I look, I think that I could look a lot better.

Goals -
Lose 60lbs (regardless of what you [dear reader] may think I could stand to lose it.)
Run 5 miles
Bike for at least 2 hours at a pace of 25mph or more.
Be a size 10 (Stupid Child Bearing Hips)
Lose one cup size of breast-i-tude. (that will come with losing weight, I hope- my back hurts so bad right now)

My House is supporting me in doing so, which makes me happy.

Today was good at work, I had to stay an hour late due to the Manager Meeting, but I should be a manager soon, and then all of this will be remedied.

Having one job instead of two is nice.

Happy prairie dog!
Current Location:
Home! (with Master)
Current Mood:
chipper chipper
Current Music:
Wonderful Day (o.a.r)
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In the beginning there was only the great spirit. The great spirit was not self aware, it had nothing else to be aware of.  In order to be aware, the Great Spirit split itself into two. These two have been seen as many throughout history, light/dark, yin-yan, Mother/Father, Earth/Sky. After the initial split, those two halves endeavored to know themselves and the universe in fullness. As a result those two halves split themselves further and futher until the first "souls" were created. Those souls then endeavored to learn and grow, to know the universe and themselves in fullness, as a result the natural process of evolution followed. From a planet of molten mineral we grew into human beings, being self aware. 

This is an adaptation of one version of my creation myth, changed for copyright reasons here. 

Some rather odd things have happened in the last 24 hours that have reaffirmed my faith in the dieties that I choose.

1. At the convention that I was at, several people skipped out on paying (some of them we didnt expect to pay) for their portion of the hotel room. After finding out that this happened, a sum of money from my old job found its way to our bank account, making up for the difference in what people should have owed.

2. Our first flight was delayed almost an hour, we landed in the seccond city, ran to the gate, to find that this flight was delayed as well, not for weather or other delayed flights, but because the flight team wasn't on board yet. We had just enough time to eat, board and have our luggage make it to the correct plane! Had it not been delayed that five minutes I wouldnt have had my clothes or soap. 

3. We get to the airport in time to catch the last 100 bus to catch the last 1M bus to make it home.

I know that these may seem like small things, but they happen to me on a nearly daily basis. Perhaps it is only my own delusion, but I have never been this lucky. I would have called myself unlucky before hand, now that I have chosen these dieties things happen in some interesting ways.

Two years ago my right hand was covered in nearly 30 warts and blisters and callouses, I hid it, and refused to shake hands with my right hand, even worse I was right handed, it severly impeded me socially, now I have NONE of them, not even any scars from them. It's weird. I had tried every cure known to man. I had started getting them when I stepped on this weird bug in Lousiville Ky when I was 11. I started getting them on my feet and hands, eventually it was just the bottom of my left foot and my right hand, now I have none. Getting rid of them before was painful and usually left scars. 

Two Years ago I was in the hospital every few weeks and in ICU at least once every 6 months, now I havent had to go to the Doctor for asthma at all in two years. I am unmedicated, and breathing fine. It's amazing. Part of this I can attribute to an experimental drug that I was taking because the doctors didnt know what else to do with me. The rest I attribute to my new faith. 

There have been several near misses on traffic accidents, slips and falls, and other mishaps that were only avoided by something strange like getting lost in a PARKING LOT, forgetting something like a purse, hesitating when I wouldnt have normally.

In the end, today I am home healthy and safe, and have my faith reaffirmed. 

Here is to remembering old friends (I miss St. Louis)

I love you!!!

Vanessa
Chris
Sam(antha)
Ashley
Kari
Justin
Amy (even though you're a bitch)
Ryan S.
Dean (proof that even nerds can be cool sometimes)


 
Current Location:
Home, Thank the Gods.
Current Mood:
hopeful hopeful
Current Music:
The Boy is Mine, Brandy
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    I had contemplated not telling anyone about this journal,  just hoping to see who stumbled upon it. Instead I think that I will tell the people who are important to me about it.

    I am in a state of flux right now. I hate it. The one thing in this world that I want more than anything else is stability. If things are not stable and reliable I get very depressed. The people around me, my Job, my bank account, whatever. If it is not stable, I have issues. I'm pretty sure that this comes from me not having an ounce of stability as a younger person. Some want to teach me, some to protect me, some to nurture me. While they all have the best of intentions regarding my late-blooming emotional self, I don't really want to be taught anything. Call it the Taurus that I am, but I refuse the help of just about anyone, even if it is beneficial to me.

    I feel really bad about the events of the last several days concerning a friend of mine. I attended a convention, and I felt as if I was being clingy to him, although he has no emotional obligation to me. I guess it was because I was abandoned by everyone else who was supposed to be there, and he was the only person that I knew who had less than a 500ft proximity to me. Oh, well, everything was resolved, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like an ass. I was abusive, bitchy, and whiny all weekend, and he totally didn't deserve that. 
Current Location:
ICC - Nashville
Current Mood:
depressed depressed
Current Music:
"I'm your Angel" R.Kelley
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